Unfortunately effective parenting techniques isn’t taught at school. What a shame that the most important qualification we need is being overlooked by the government and school system. Parents today are so fortunate that they have so many resources to open their minds to choose parenting techniques to prevent limiting beliefs being formed in the first place and that is good for their children’s well-being.
I want to reach as many parents as possible especially new parents to make them aware of the effects of parenting mistakes and the different parenting techniques available for them to choose from.
What do you remember? Did you feel left out? Did you feel love, wanted and special or the opposite? Did you feel supported? Did you feel happy? Did your parents trust you and let you experience things or were your parents or parent too protective? Pampering? Forcing?
How do you feel now? Do you feel confident or do you feel fearful and feel unsafe, apprehension and lack of confidence and low self-esteem? Can you do things for yourself, go out in the world and find a job and lead a normal life or do you still live at home with you parents and they still do everything for you, support you, run your life and protect you today as an adult?
Do you get lots of yes or nos from your parents? If you get lots of nos, how do you feel then and how do you feel now? Do you feel unworthy of getting or having what you want? Do you feel helpless? Do you feel hopeless?
Parenting mistakes to avoid which can lead to limiting beliefsThe no parents – If you always say no to your child when they want something without explaining the reason why they can’t have it, he/she might interpret this as they are not worthy, undeserving, I am not good enough or come up with their own interpretation which become their beliefs.
Can you imagine what sort of life they’ll have carrying these beliefs and creating them again and again in their future life? When you get what you want now do you keep it lovingly or give it away quickly for some reason or another?
Yes, that is because you might feel you are not worthy of it or that you don’t deserve it! Remember all the nos! It is running in the back ground still.
The Critical ParentingThese are parents who criticize their child all the time. Pick on their looks, the way they do things, the way they talk? Put their child down and nothing the child does is good enough? Call them names (stupid, idiot etc.). Can’t you do anything right? You are hopeless, and so on.
This child might develop an inferiority complex; I am ugly, I am bad, I am not good enough, I am stupid and feel really inadequate or worse. With these beliefs what will this child be creating in the future?
This child might dislike his/her self, lack self- confidence and self- esteem and become a failure in life or become a critical person and fail in relationships because no one is good enough.Or they might fail in their career life because they are too critical and become difficult and unpopular at work, always seeking perfection.
The possibilities of negative results are too many to mention here. Do you like yourself? Do you think you’re good looking? Do you feel stupid? Do you feel “Yes I can!”? Do you feel special/ important/likeable? Do you criticize yourself a lot? Do you have lots of regrets?
The Spoiling parentsThese are parents that don’t ask their children to do any chore around the house. They don’t teach them any house work skill because the child gets in the way and it is quicker for them to do it themselves or the child won’t do a good job or they love their child so much that they are willing to do everything for them.
Later when the children grow up these parents expect their children to help around the house without prior training. They expect these children to go out into the world and fend for themselves.
What they might get instead are rebellious children who are lazy and thoughtless or unskilled. They have created a spoilt, selfish individuals who expect others to run around for them or they expect the world to look after them. I am sure you can come up with your own outcome for this type of parenting.
The Slave ParentsThese are parents who are slaves to their children, even their grown-up kids. These parents did everything for their children out of love! Or maybe they don’t trust that their children can do it right or for whatever reason it is not good.
Like the spoiling parents the results might be selfish/ thoughtless/ demanding and disrespectful adults. Totally dependent on their parent to do everything for them! They expect their parents to do and give them whatever they want.
These type of parents don’t have a life, they run around their kids and grand-children. I am saying this from witnessing it in people around me. EXPECTING and WANTING and DEMANDING individuals usually are the results of this type of parenting, don’t you agree?
Fearful ParentSome parents won’t let their children try things such riding a bicycle on the road – they might get run over, swimming – they might drown, climbing – they might fall and hurt themselves etc. These children might develop apprehension and the fear of the unknown.
Lack of self-belief, self-confidence, low self-esteem and self-distrust which lead to all sort of failures because they are so fearful of everything. Life would be unbearable to live in this state constantly don’t you agree?
Pessimist ParentsSome parents told their kids don’t laugh too much or be too happy because they’ll end up crying or miserable! Good things don’t last! Wow what do you think will happen here? Not happy and successful adults, I don’t think! With these beliefs running in the background reminding them of the outcome to expect, how can they be anything but MISERABLE!!
The Deceiving ParentsThis parent let their child believe that if they be good and do as they are told they might get what they want, knowing all along they are not going to let the child have what she/he wants. They deceived the child to get their own way. What do you think the child learns from this experienced?
Do you think the child might feel used or betrayed. The child might interpret it as that people can’t be trusted and feel used and abused, disappointed, angry, and resentful of being tricked, especially by their parents. I think the child might develop trust issues and that will affect future relationships and different area of his/her life.
How would you interpret it if you were the child?What other side effects can you think of as a result of these parenting styles? Well I think you have got the drift by now and are probably coming up with your own ideas on parenting skills and the results.
I can’t advise new parents enough on how important it is to prevent parenting mistakes because to undo the effects of parenting mistakes is very difficult. It takes money, perseverance and potentially a lot of time depending on how severe the issues are.
I will explain the undoing of limiting beliefs in my next post because you might know someone who might need to undo parenting mistakes which formed the negative beliefs in the first place. You’ll be able to point them to this website or help them open their mind that beliefs can be undone, from what you learn here at advice new parents.